ONE
TWO
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Monday, April 10, 2006
i feel detached.
i feel distant.
whatever you call it.
there's just something constantly nagging at the back of my head.
making me unable to focus. making me unable to concentrate.
i feel detached during worship sometimes.
i feel detached when im leading devotion sometimes.
just shows the extent of my detachedness.
i just dont seem to be able to connect with anything anymore.
im there but not there.
it's just a physical prescence.
i dont know what im focussing on anymore.
but im rather certain im not focussing on God now.
which is very dangerous. im in a danger zone.
leading cfc tmr. i dont know how im going to do it. with me being detached and all.
but i'll just see how it goes and everything.
it's really tiring to smile when i dont feel like smiling.
to laugh when i dont feel like laughing.
to joke when i dont feel like joking.
to talk when i dont feel like talking.
it's like im forcing myself to do all these because i know just one expression on my face can affect others and make others worried and everything.
and i dont want that to happen.
it's stressing to know that i affect people and my smile disappearing can cause people toworry.
music doesnt seem to be helping me much this time.
christian music soothes my mind.
but that's about it.
somehow i think my detachedness is because of my numbness.
i seem to be numbing my feelings.
i need someone whom i can talk to to go to the beach with me on good friday.
jon has training.
brandon has training.
char has to go help some children.
sherlyn may have english pt.
does anyone want to go with me?
okay nevermind. i dont want to trouble others.
but i think it's high time i talk to someone.
but then again maybe i shall just go alone.
indecisiveness.
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for brandon and brandon:
hey. thanks so much for everything that you have done. having long talks with me and going to such great lengths just to help me and everything. and i just really want to say thankyou for everything. i know youre feeling troubled because this is really the first time that you dont seem to be able to help me. i know because after talking to me on sunday when i went off and i turned around i could see your helplessness and tears glistening in your eyes. and it was painful honestly. so please please dont burden yourself with it okay. because i am really thankful for your constant prescence and prayers. and you are really the best friend i can ever find- other than God yes. and i love you a lot.
simplicity.
*****
simple facts
peiling
30 march
christian
tnsrgs
